Mediocrity as a survival tactic

Music is one of my stronger talents and the one closest to my heart. I wrote my first song aged seven and loved playing the piano. Sadly, creative and (very) curious children usually overstep boundaries when they are put into a rigid school system created by unimaginative people with authoritarian tendencies. My love for creating music withered soon enough. Playfully producing my first tiny techno tracks on my father’s analogue synthesizers transformed to fighting against every minute of piano practice. Instead of building a safe space with it, I developed a reluctance against making any music at all.

My youth was shaped by massive rebellion and a constant sense of being a failure. After the experiences from my childhood, the course of action was clear: I needed to silence my brain and escape myself. I found a hedonistic lifestyle to be the most efficient way to do that. Turning night into day, Metal mosh pits and the immersion in various subcultures made my school grades deteriorate rapidly. As a result, banging doors at home and detention at school became the new normal.

The surprising result of an IQ test my desperate mother convinced me to take, made me realise that it’s not a weakness not to fit in. It’s an asset. People like us see the system for what it is and therefore, can change it. In a society where only specialisation and conformity are rewarded, mediocrity is nothing but a survival tactic.

Claiming independency

With school and my training as a classical pianist finally behind me, I started into adulthood by claiming my independency. I finally pursued various interests at the same time by getting a degree in event management, partying hard as bartender and musician, travelling, finding a soulmate, and discovering bicycles as the ultimate enabler of individual freedom.

My first “real” job led me into a working environment so demanding I had to put everything else on hold: my band, my friends, and my partner. Crazy 12 hour-days during peak times plus almost all weekends away on site were a different, more subtle kind of oppression. It led to me hiding in my hotel room with massive anxiety attacks during the most important event of the season. After only five months on the job.

I haven’t worked full-time ever since and am now self-employed as a full-spectrum creative to finally gain command over my own time.

Re-born out of crisis

After another long backpacking trip that should have marked the transition from youth to settling down, nine years of love and a life plan fell apart. Instead of planning a family, I suddenly found myself sitting on a pile of moving boxes in a shared flat with no idea how to get back on my feet again. Those were dark times of absolute aimlessness, paired with deep anxiety. I found my way out of this bottomless pit by writing my own music – for the first time since my childhood.

Juc, my inner child re-born out of crisis, is the connection to my very core. With her, I can shape my future. She is my way out of the daily grind, my gateway to a self-determined life. By expressing myself musically, I want to reach out to other, like-minded people. We can create our misfit safe space together – be it live at my concerts or on your own in your favourite surroundings. Your choice.

So, let us connect. I can’t wait to hear from you!